I got to come and see you in Kansas and then you
came to see me in Minnesota the following week! So all in all we got to see
each other for two weeks! And it was the best two weeks ever! Even though I may
have moaned and groaned, I love spending time with you.
I know a lot of the time I worry when we are apart,
mainly because I feel like I won’t be enough to keep you. When I was in Kansas
last week, I met a lot of wonderful people. As I met more and more people I
found myself thinking that it wouldn’t be hard for you leave me for someone
else, because everyone was so much more interesting than me. That made me scared
more than anything else. I know sometimes we talk about this and you try to reassure
me that it would never happen, but you must understand that love is an entirely
new concept to me still. Even though we’ve been together for about a year and a
half now, I have the hardest time letting my guard down. It scares me to let
you love me, because I don’t want to get hurt. Letting you love me scares me
because I feel like if I accept it, I’m going to be heartbroken at the end. I didn’t
want to give you all of me because I thought if I did, if it didn’t work out, I
would have nothing left. As a result, I end up pushing you away without meaning
to, I get paranoid that you’re doing something behind my back or that you just
don’t love me anymore.
Once I returned home I spent my nights alone and
thought about this more and I came to the realization that in order for you to
want to be with me, I also have to be the person you want to be with. I don’t
ever want to lose you. You are the very best part of me and I hope you know
that I would do anything for you. You are the most wonderful human being in the
world and I couldn’t ask for someone better to love. You’re so sweet to me and so
good to me; you take care of me and make me feel like the most special girl in
the world. You make me happy. I don’t want you to ever doubt how much I care
about you. I love you. I will never love anyone like I love you. I’m sorry if I
ever let you down or ever made you feel like I didn’t love you or I didn’t
care. If I did, I don’t mean any of it. I’ve just been scared because I love
you and I don’t want to lose you.
I love you with all of my heart,
-Nessa<3